According to The Washington Post, Elliot Abrams (of Iran-Contra fame) has been appointed to lead the National Security Council's office for Near East and North African affairs. The article says:

He pleaded guilty in 1991 to two misdemeanor counts of withholding information from Congress. Abrams received a Christmas Eve pardon from President George H.W. Bush in 1992.

And of course we know John Poindexter is running the new "Total Information Awareness Office" with the spooky eye-in the pyramid shooting some sort of ray at the Earth... And Henry Kissinger is in charge of the Sept. 11 investigation.

I've heard from many friends who's parents have views similar to those of mine: Republicans=good, Bill Clinton=devil. If you ask my dad, he'll tell you that Bill Clinton broke the law and flaunted it. He gave deceitful testimony and used manipulative language to obscure the law. George Bush is noble because he opposes that criminal Bill Clinton.

What could possibly be wrong with the Bush administration? Let's forget all about the Gulf War in the 90's, and assume it was all on the up-and-up. John Poindexter, Elliot Abrams and others (including Oli North), if you ask my dad, acted patriotically during the Iran-Contra affair. All they did was break the law, lie aobut it, hide it from congress, and use manipulative language to obscure the culpability of their superiors. Oh, and they unilaterally acted to destroy democracy in Nicaragua. Henry Kissinger is also unblemished: the worst he did was help orchestrate an illegal operation which unilaterally destroyed democracy in Chile. And he covered it up. Where the hell do them darkies get off thinkin they run their own fucking countries anyway?.

And after the Reagan years were over, Bush 1 ushered in a new era of pristine ethical and legal policy. All he did was pardon the criminals and re-appoint them to high places. And Bush II just picked up where his daddy left off: keeping the world safe for American patriotism.

So there's no question about how the Republicans stack up next to that rat bastard Clinton. At least no one is giving them any blowjobs.

Walmart is apparently trying to get rid of customers. They already have a mildly tarnished image, but they're going the extra mile to make sure that I avoid shopping there at all costs. A Walmart store in Sterling, Colorado, had a Toys for Tots box where people could buy gifts and then donate them by dropping them in the box. A few days into the program, this thought occured to a brilliant store manager: "Since store officials didn't know if the gifts had been bought or not -- and no video camera was trained on the box -- [the manager] said he decided to place all the toys back on the shelves for resale." (See this article). While we're at it, why not recover the day's cash losses by taking money from the charity jars? After all, there's no way of knowing that the cash in those jars wasn't stolen from the registers...

Erin works at a small coffee shop in a downtown mall, and yesterday she was scheduled to close by herself. She felt uncomfortable being alone, so I went down to keep her company. This crazy homeless-looking guy had been by several times during the day and insisted that he knew her from somewhere. Shortly after I showed up, he came in for his seventh visit and sat down across from me. I was working on my computer. "That's a nice computer," he said. "Just hit '52', you can't fuck it up. It's got everything you wanna know."
   "What?" I said, perplexed. "That's what I hit on mine," he said, "'52', it has all my answers." He continued mumbling various things with his hand over his mouth. Ocassionally I would hear a word, usually a number. Eventually I realized he was saying something to me again. "I can't hear you," I said. "You've got your hand over your mouth."
   He seemed irritated that I wasn't hearing him. He said, "Of course I got my hand on my mouth. It's to protect my teeth!" This went on for about an hour. Some time later, Erin walked by to clean off some tables. He gestured toward her and said to me, "You see that chick? Don't touch her. She's one of the originals. The original 44 thousand. She's been here 42 years, as long as I have." Then he walked outside and stared in through the window while he smoked a cigarette. I suggested Erin should call mall security to have someone walk by while she closed, but there was no answer. The crazy guy walked past the shop a few more times that night but didn't come in again.

I am now officially creeped out.

FARK has directed me to the Olde Lutheran Gift Shop. They have clergy hats, "Sin Boldly Lager," Martin Luther bobbleheads, and a thing that lets you morph the face of Martin Luther. If only Mormons had the same sense of humor. I can only imagine what the "Olde Mormon Giftshop" web site would look like...

'Tis the season for pop-ups. I saw this one today. I was wondering what kind of anxiety this is designed to manipulate. Is the girl standing over the laptop my daughter? My girlfriend? My mom? I suppose most men are worried, deep inside, that a woman in their life will discover their porno stash and be gravely offended by it.

Boobies for rain.

CNN has picked up the story of the American GI who deserted during the Korean War. His wife, who was abducted from Japan and taken to North Korea in the 70's, returned to Japan several weeks ago. But her husband can't join her in Japan because he might be extradited to the US for prosecution as a deserter. He's now elderly, ill, and possibly facing his last days. Japan has requested the US government pardon him. But that doesn't seem to be happening. We wouldn't want to appear soft on the elderly, after all.

The crime of desertion apparently has no statute of limitations. But child molestation does. A judge last week threw out charges against another Catholic priest because too much time had passed since the alleged dozens of rapes were committed. Damn good thing that priest wasn't supposed to be at war while (allegedly) raping those children. Truly the repeated raping of a child pales in comparison to the heinous crime of not killing North Koreans on behalf of South Koreans.

Japan is still completely crazy. Recent headlines from Mainichi Daily News: Angry ape goes on the rampage, Teen madams force friend to turn a few tricks, Time bomb explodes at cram school. "Cram school" is not defined in the article. I assume that rampaging monsters are commonplace in Japan (judging from all the movies...), so I guess the angry ape is nothing special. I'm most surprised by what the kids are doing over there; not just prostitution (any 14 year old can do that), but renting cell phones, raqueteering, and all sorts of extortion.

"Allah is the only supper power!" (seen printed on a banner carried by protesters in Pakistan)

I've been listening to the evolution of CNN headlines today. This morning they mentioned a Brittish government report on Iraqi human rights abuses, and noted that "Amnesty International has questioned the motive of the report, pointing out that the Brittish government ignored Amnesty International's reports of abuses before the Gulf War." By late afternoon, the headline had shifted to "Amnesty International has denounced the report." Were there too many clauses in the original sentence? Was the fact just too complicated to satisfy viewers? Maybe they need something short and clear-cut. "Denouncement" is much more definite and final than "questions the motives of." While "denouncement of the report" is certainly absurd after some reflection, the sentence requires little grammatical or conceptual processing on the part of the listener. I guess that's what CNN is shooting for.

I tried to run. I thought I could escape my debts, but Mervyn's somehow tracked me down. Through means unknown, they discovered my new Canadian address and sent me a bill. I had hoped to avoid paying the unbearable $1.80 balance left on my account. My credit is ruined. My life is ruined.

So I was browsing the photo albums of various "Blog Meetup Day" events at different cities. I was amused by many of them, saddened by some of them. I was most entertained by Detroit's Blog Meetup. They met at Krispy Kreme, and their photos consist almost entirely of doughnuts.