Having said all those things about Japan, I had a look at the Utah news for this weekend, and once I again I completely fail to comprehend the vast wierdness of Utah. It is a fitting collection of events for my last weekend before I leave Utah (and I've saved the very best for last). Where to begin. For some reason Spongebob Squarepants was cycling in Salt Lake yesterday:

Next, Execution by Firing Squad gets okay from the Utah Supreme Court. According to the Salt Lake Tribune, "Utah serial killer Roberto Arguelles wants to die before a firing squad, and a decision Friday by the Utah Supreme Court clears the way for that to happen. Arguelles pleaded guilty in May 1997 to four counts of capital homicide for kidnapping and murdering Margo Bond, 42; Stephanie Blundell, 13; Lisa Martinez, 16; and Tuesday Roberts, 14. At sentencing more than five years ago, 3rd District Judge David Young ordered Arguelles to be executed by firing squad and granted Arguelles' request that he face his executioners without a hood over his head. In Friday's unanimous 44-page decision, Chief Justice Christine M. Durham wrote: 'This case presents the unusual situation wherein a capital defendant seeks the death penalty for his crimes.'"

Next, Two F-16's collide over west desert. Didn't that just happen in California a few days ago? What the hell is going on with the F-16's?

Next, "Public debate in Virgin: Put Up, Shut Up Anyway." From the tribune: "VIRGIN -- Free speech isn't free at Virgin town meetings. Sometimes it costs 25 bucks. To get on a Town Council agenda in this small southwestern Utah community, people have to fork over $25. Even then, Mayor Jay Lee has the final say about whether fee payers get their say. Lee said earlier this week he could not remember when the policy took effect or whether the council approved it. He said the fee was necessary to "pay for the secretaries' time" and other town administrative costs. The mayor, elected to a second term last year, said he would answer further questions only if they were faxed to him. Questions faxed to him Tuesday by The Salt Lake Tribune had not been answered by Friday...
"Councilman Bill Johnson, who has wrangled with Lee over land issues, said he paid $25 to secure a spot on last month's council agenda. The first-term councilman said he coughed up the fee because the mayor kept tabling many of his motions. 'I just wanted to codify when minutes of previous meetings would be available, and when I could receive an agenda for the next meeting so I could research the issues,' Johnson said. The money did not speak loud enough, though. Lee rejected Johnson's agenda item and the town refunded the $25...
"Virgin came under scrutiny last year from the Attorney General's Office over a short-lived statute shepherded by Lee requiring every household to own a firearm. As for the agenda fee, Cassie Dippo, Utah issues coordinator for the government-watchdog organization Common Cause, said she has never heard of such a policy before. 'It seems inappropriate for a public forum,' Dippo said. That is how the residents group Friends of Virgin sees it, too. The grass-roots organization paid $25 in June to get on Virgin's agenda to speak out against a proposed group home for troubled teens. The request was denied and the money returned. 'It was like turning down the 100 people who signed the petition,' group member Lee Ballard said.
"The mayor's predecessor, Joy Henderlider, said she was told to pay up or shut up last year when she wanted to ask the council how Virgin was spending state road funds. 'I refused to pay so [I] didn't get on the agenda,' she said. Henderlider said the town never charged an agenda fee and did not screen requests when she was mayor. 'All anyone had to do was raise their hand,' she said."

Next, A Republican Senate candidate in my district is distributing a misleading campaigning materials. No surprise there I guess, but his method is particularly crafty. Example: on "a resolution urging Congress to quash the idea of draining Lake Powell and Flaming Gorge," the mailing lists Poulton (the evil one) as "in favor of the measure," while Arent (the innocent one) "chose not to vote." The subtle irony is that neither Poulton nor Arent were on the committee that voted on the resolution, so neither of them could have voted. The mailing is full of those sorts of "comparisons."

Last and Best: "Unhappy Halloween for 'Vampire' Inmate". I'll list the full article below:
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The Associated Press
An imprisoned vampire isn't going to have a happy Halloween. The Utah State Court of Appeals on Thursday dismissed Robert Paul Rice's claims that the Utah State Prison is violating his right to practice his religion by failing to provide him with a "vampire" diet. The court also showed no sympathy for Rice's complaint that he wasn't allowed a conjugal visit when a "vampress" is available so he can partake "in the vampiric sacrament [drinking blood.]"
Prison spokesman Jack Ford said Rice's records show he is a Catholic. He is sentenced to 1 to 15 years for weapons possession, theft and burglary. Ford said the prison provides five diets and "he can take one of those and eat out of it what he wants and leave what he wants." As for the kiss of the "vampress," forget it. "Without any question we do not have conjugal visits in Utah," Ford said.
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There are so many things wrong with that article.... the state's case is evidently based on their claim that Rice is not really a vampire, he's a Catholic. Oh great! Now I'm upside down!

Farewell, my beloved homeland of Zion, God's eternal gift to the clinically insane.