James here again. I figured I'd take a break from graffito-tagging Reagan's casket and finally react to having an image of an audio recording of a bunch of crappy B-grade celebs reading the Bible pop up when you Google images of my name. I had hoped to find some wonderful, embarrassing stuff having to do with Mr. Winstead, but Google has let me down. Chris is clean. In fact, he's better than clean. He's a dynamo. He just recently informed me of a certain favorable career move. "Cool", I thought. "Years of hard work toward something really CAN pay off. Fuck you, eternal pessimism!" So Chris is an EE guy. At least that's what he's been telling me. And we started college at the same time (1995), and, appropriately, graduated in approximately the same year. At least that's what I thought. But I was wrong.

U. of Southern Miss Astronomy and Physics Alumni News: Christopher Winstead (BS ’88) is now Associate Professor of Physics & Astronomy at Southern Miss. [...] Christopher Winstead, Associate Professor of Physics and Astronomy, leads the approximately $2 million Eagle Eyes project. The focus is developing optical methods incorporating novel signal processing techniques for the detection of nuclear materials. The project results have application in Homeland Defense.

"1988!" I exclaimed. "A full seven years BEFORE he entered the University of Utah as an undergraduate! And Homeland Defense?!? I and Chris's ould pseudo-anarchist cronies would perchance take issue with such a besotted connexion! Methinks doings afoul be afoot!" Thicker? Observe:

Chesterfield County, Virginia, Board of Supervisors Board Bits 04/14/04: RESOLUTIONS AND SPECIAL RECOGNITIONS -- Adopted -- Resolution recognizing Mr. Christopher Winstead for his contributions as Resident Engineer to Chesterfield County.

"Engineer?" I ejaculated. "Be that electrical in nature? Mayhaps the tales of this Mr. Winstead will eventually resolve themselves into the realm of the 'true', after all, forthwith!" But, alas, the Board Bits sayeth naught. "Zounds," said I unto mine self. "Chris must assuredly have acquired access to some manner of High-Energy Teleportation device, or perhaps have utilised his prodigious gifts of charm and wit to curry the favor of a grieving widow who simply happened to have come into possession of such an Impressive Technological Device upon the unfortunate event of her husband's demise, in order to effectively and efficiently fulfill the duties of both of these Highly Important and Mentally Demanding positions, in addition to his already Taxing and Thankless activities in Edmonton." I had become fully ready to kneel in fealty to Mr. Christ-Offer Winstead, and exclaim Hosannahs from mountaintops in his name, when I came across the following:

DBZ : Millenium Battle - a Dragon Ball Z fighting game: idea designed by Christopher Winstead: DBZ : Millenium Battle - a Dragon Ball Z fighting game Arcade System 2D fighting Basically this is the DBZ fans dream game. 2D with graphics matching Stree Fighter's and the flashy eye candy. this game would play better on an arcade because it has seven buttons on the lay out. But I hope you enjoy my idea. Down at the bottom is a better description of the game. Story Mode: Compete against the computer with the Z fighters in increasingly difficult battles through all the DBZ sagas by training your character raising Ki levels just like in Build Up Mode with various trainers and fighters from the series.

"Odds bodkins, sayeth I!" I said. "Forsooth and whence lieth reason? What the fuck is Chris talking about? Doth he an Eternal Grudge against Proper Punctuation and Otherwise Correct Grammatical Usages hold? Alas, not having engaged in the Efficient and Effective Play of Video-based Competition Games for several ages now, I speak from a place of Increasingly Apparent Ignorance, but, reason forces my conjecture: What the hell is 'Stree Fighter'? Misseth I somewhat something somewhere?" Ye olde Idea Reviewer for that particular illustrious website had this to say regarding Wine-ustead's Dragonball Z idea:

For some reason we are getting more and more DBZ game ideas. I really good DBZ fighting game would of course be cool, but I think you might have spent too long writing about not too interesting details. Idea Reviewer: -Vegard Aure-

"Whither, M. Aure? A rather Impolite and Ignoble Response to our Winstead's admittedly Rote and Commonplace idea, thinketh thou naught? Perhaps Our Winstead suffereth enough at the hands of this Abominable and Ignominious Cur, Vegard, himself the recipient of a name better suited to a Foul and Difficult Villain of Yore in a Medieval-set Video-based Competition Game! Enough!" And with that, my search for the Secret and Hidden Machinations of Kaiser Krist Win-stead summarily halted.